True Lies
Without cash today so I had to head over to the Target down the block for my soda fix. (The addiction is back and I’m not sure when I’ll kick it again.) The girl at the check out saw my name tag and asked if I liked working at (department store).
My automatic response was “Yeah, I love it.” I put on my work voice and smiled my work smile. I told her how much fun it was and how I’d been promoted so quickly. I continued to smile as I walked out with head up and pep in my walk.
Now, I’m home after a grueling week (physically and emotionally) thinking about that 30 second convo.
Do I really “love” working for this company? It’s a tough question to ask at the end of the first week of the month (always the busiest at any company) because I’ve got ten people breathing down my neck, waiting for me to finish everything yesterday. It’s the week where I get thirty emails about month-end deposits. It’s the week corporate sends 200 page lists of price changes and four trucks to be processed. It’s the week from hell basically.
But after that week, through the second and third and fourth weeks, does it get any better? I still come home with Hulk-shoulders from hunching over my computer and adding machines. My skull feels two sizes too small from the stress of numbers, customers, associates, bosses. The money doesn’t get better but the bills get bigger. My to-do lists get shorter but none of it seems to fall within my job description.
I guess the question that is really bugging me is: Is it time to change careers? Before it’s too late? I could see myself continuing on with this company. There’s no shortage of opportunities. I could be in a salary position inside two years if I rubbed the right elbows. But I’ve seen the managers’ harried looks during the holidays, heard their bitching all year long. Do I want that life?
If I leave, where do I go? Teaching? Writing? Back to school? Couponing and living off a grocer’s wage? What career is going to grow with my life? Set me up for when I have kids, when my kids have kids?
I know our generation is the one expected to go through 3 or more career changes in our lifetimes, but what if you can’t choose a career to begin with?